…and agreed on between people that matters.
Anyone whose known me for at least four or five years now can tell those of you who arrived on scene after DR and I became involved, will tell you I had had horrible luck with being able to settle down and with dating. I knew several good young men but we didn’t quite fit together. I’m going to be telling y’all about me and DR’s relationship in a bit of detail for a change. I haven’t really talked about it much, outside of the few things that everyone can see.
When DR and I started talking, neither one of us expected it to lead to where we are now.
When we first started talking, I wasn’t looking and neither was he actually. But we hit it off like a Babe Ruth home-run. Conversations grew longer and longer and longer. Ten days later we were admitting there was something there as in we were starting to seriously love each other. In two days, it’ll have been three years since we started talking. A month and five days from now, since we first met in person and we both knew that moment when we finally met, we weren’t going to be able to disentangle ourselves. This was a problem in some ways as… I was the other woman at that point.
I offered to stay away until things resolved themselves on his end. He said no, stay around, I love you too much. He meant it. Those three words were coming from his heart and for the first time, I knew it to be real. Things started clicking into place in my life that hadn’t before and it was surreal. Fast forward to September 17th, 2013. I was flying to finally be with him. We slept that night, and many nights afterwards on an air mattress. Between the two of us, we were broke. We spent the first two-three weeks of living in our first place…with no power.
We spent many nights playing rummy by candlelight. (And in case you’re wondering, yes, we did that first night here in the new place in Arizona. One of our first traditions. 🙂 ) We didn’t have a fridge until a month and a half later. Until then, we used his large cooler and kept it filled with ice and a bit of water. We never lost a single thing of food to spoilage, though we did have to put the leftover in their containers into plastic bags because the containers liked to leak.
We got the power turned on…and then the gas went out. In LA, they leave the gas on for two weeks so that you have it while waiting for it to get turned on. We cooked on his camping stove for that time.
The first three months of living together were hard but for the lack of utilities being on. We were living together finally after 16 months of only have spent 7 days together face to face. There were a lot of triggers hit and dealt with. The first few months, were incredibly exhausting for me and I think for him too. They were worth it though.
The first time he called me his wife… the sound of everything clicking into place made my head hurt. DR is my husband. In my heart and in my head, he is my other half and my partner. With him being an anarchist… I won’t ask him for an official ceremony. I respect him and his beliefs. Besides, I don’t need anyone’s permission to be with him.
To have and to hold.
To love and honor and respect.
While I know so many of friends want to see a ceremony… darlings, if it happens I’ll be surprised. Chances are we’ll just have a big ole grand party and have folks sign a “Yeap, they are married” big ass long scroll like piece of paper.
He carried me across the thresh hold in the first place and here in the second. It’s a simple existence for him and me. I’m okay with that…actually, I’m quite content with it. We have no idea where we are going from here, but for the next 14 months at least, we are hanging out here in Arizona.
I still can’t believe at times how much in the past two years I’ve healed because of him. We’ve only been talking and together since 2012…but by the Gods it feels longer. Other times, it’s feels too awfully short. Just last night we were talking about furniture for the new place and we were getting downright silly giddy over what is going to be our first couch.
There’s going to be some new challenges ahead. Like trying to get it settled over who gets stuck with the dishes when…