Her name was Dallas. A young thin woman, who wasn’t really sure where she belonged at times but was a major geek. She loved Star Wars, Star Trek, Star Gate, Dune… anything science fiction and fantasy that had a gripping story without excess gore was her realm. Halo and table top dice games from D6’s all the way to the D20 and even a D100 once.
From a time Counter Strike Source and Jedi Knight Jedi Academy was all the range, Dallas had cosplayed to the best of her abilities and within her fandoms that she was comfortable in.
Things changed in 2010. I think the last time Dallas was at a convention might have been early 2011 but I don’t remember for certain.
Dallas was a personality that I had built for myself. There were parts of me that always showed like being be happy to see people I knew and enjoyed the company of. The part of me that always made sure she had a first aid kit with her just in case because Murphy like conventions too.
Dallas ceased to exist by summer of 2011.
I haven’t been to a convention since.
I was a woman who was facing a rapidly shrinking room and conventions had no place in my life anymore. Costuming had no place. All I wanted was to make to end of each day and get through my nights.
I’m still a geek. I’ve had several geek side moments on Facebook recently. They weren’t forced either they were genuine. It was really me going “Oh no, see there’s this piece of info over here which is connected to this piece over here through this movie or game or book.” I’ve had ideas of Weird West Steampunk. I’ve had ideas for 2017’s Wasteland Weekend.
So why is this coming up now?
Phoenix ComicCon. DR wants to see a convention in person instead of hearing my mostly fondly reminiscence. So now I’m left with the question: have I reached a point in my personal evolution, healing and journey to be able to go back to cons as Evelyn StormRose?
Who is Evelyn StormRose going to be? Will I keep myself or hide behind another facade?
I don’t think I’m going to worry about the last question as I’m more aware of who I am now. And I have a damn good wingman in DR.
But do I really belong back on the convention scene? Of any kind? Is this a thing that I can honestly make room for back in my life? I can’t even make room for fricking fighter practice for the SCA because of one of DR’s jobs and the fact I can’t take Maggie on public transportation because she’s not a certified service dog for me yet. And may never be because of finances. SCA is something I want to do a lot…but when you don’t have a way to get there and no money to spare… well…. priorities and the SCA can’t be one right now.
Am I only kidding myself in even considering going to a con again?