Head against the Wall.

…..repeatedly.  If I keep going I can find the stud so that we can get that picture hung finally….

“Uh Evie…. you okay?”

Yes and no.

Geez…where do I start?

Working on scaling back the drinking only to be reminded how back my insomnia is.  Cripes.

There’s a reason finding a job has been hard.  If I don’t drink my best sleep comes between 7am and noon.  And that’s when I have DR home most of the time or both dogs in bed snuggled up to me.  Five hours at best.  One sleep cycle at worst.  ….90 minutes.  I was and am still crushed to find while the anxiety and insomnia is still bad, the PTSD is still there at the same levels it’s just easier to side step and judo throw to the ground with a “Not now bitch. Later.”  My depression is better and I have no worries about that tanking on me.   ….now for the prior mentioned three….lovely.

I am a damn introvert!!!!!   I like my small circle of friends and super small group of people that I’d be willing to hang out with.  Work as a cashier of any kind?  ….I’ll be in the closet hugging my Pikachu plushie sobbing.

After Orlando… I’m wondering if my prior thoughts on possibly becoming a Firearms instructor might be a good idea.  Too many people expressing a want to understand firearms or ban them because those folks who wish to ban everything that could even cause splinters are dumbasses… maybe I’d be good at it.

Oh…Argh…Fuck’s sake.  Yes, I’m that girl you know who has no fucking clue what she wants to do….because there are sooooo many thing I want to do.  To experience.  And no much idea on where to start.  Meh.

The shakes are gone when I’m on the range though.  Which means should I need it… I won’t freeze up.  Heh, Rose got thorns man!!   ….yeah okay that one was weak, bite me.

So any good news?

Camping.  Much camping.  More camping than past years.  I’m liking this and enjoying it. The dogs are doing great.  I’m getting better at focusing on my projects of the day.  And…well… we won’t go into the number of new ideas I have.  I’m going to need some new notebooks before summer is over.  Yay…. I think….

 

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Head against the Wall.

  1. You said, “After Orlando… I’m wondering if my prior thoughts on possibly becoming a Firearms instructor might be a good idea. Too many people expressing a want to understand firearms or ban them because those folks who wish to ban everything that could even cause splinters are dumbasses… maybe I’d be good at it.”

    Yes! This! A thousand times yes!

    1. It’s something I’m definitely going to consider, but it’s going to have to go on the five year goal list as finances, time and travel ease are a huge factor right now. =/

  2. Have you thought about getting a sleep study done– just to see if there are physical problems that are causing the sleep issues. Hugs– hope things get better for you. And the reason I am telling you this is because I am doing a sleep study tonight. I wake up two or three times a night… sometimes gasping.

      1. I just had one done– apparently I don’t meet the level of needing a CPAC immediately– which is good… but I won’t get the results until two weeks. Take care

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