Dealing with prolonged absence

Normally the folks who deal with this the most are military families. I have a feeling what I’m going to say though, many would agree with.

DR is out on a prolonged case.  I’ve been complimented on how well I seem to be dealing with it.

I’ve been asked how I’m dealing with it.


I’m not.  This is called faking it until you make it.  As you make it through the time they’re gone.  It’s harder on the dogs.  They don’t understand where he is or why he’s gone.

It’s one of the reasons why I have as many damn interests as I do.  They are distractions during the absence.  And yes, they are infinitely more enjoyable when he’s around.  Such is life as the wife of a PI.

It doesn’t easier.  Getting used to it does not equal getting easier.  It’s finding things that pass the time. It’s watching TV, crocheting, knitting, sewing, gardening, camping, something anything to pass the time.  It’s forcing yourself to be patient with yourself when you become frustrated because you’ve rolled over in bed for the thousandth time and it a dog or two there, snuggled up to you because they are confused.

It’s reminding yourself that this is a part of the process for building a reputation that will exceed the lifetime of the case or contract and that it will carry over. It’s reminding yourself as you scrub a tub or floor for the tenth time in a week that he’s trying to stay just as busy too.

It’s finishing the two dozen works in progress and staring at your yarn wondering what to do for the next week.  It’s playing with your dogs when the sun goes down until they sploot on the driveway and don’t want to play anymore.

It’s not getting to sleep and staying asleep. It’s grabbing naps at random hours in the day. It’s looking forward to game nights or crochet circles or work because you don’t want to forget what your own voice sounds like.

Handling it?  No dearies, I’m just good at faking it. The time will have passed before I know it and it’ll be over for the time being. However there is always a next time. And after awhile, it doesn’t matter how much one makes on a case. What matters is where your spending time together and how your spending it. Time together becomes the only thing that matters.  Time that increases together as the reputation becomes better and the company starts being able to hire a person or two. Maybe.

Until then…. staying busy, because you’re faking it.


One thought on “Dealing with prolonged absence

  1. Hugs– I lost my husband September 2014. Sometimes it feels like a prolonged absence until my mind will tell my heart that his absence will be forever. You are doing well. I’ve found a lot of interests too to keep me from going nuts… and each day it does get a little easier.

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