Lessons in a hard reality.

I have to give credit to that bullet journal system again.

I know you’re probably tired of hearing about it.  Tough.

So, one of the things that I’ve been working on with is monitoring the internal feelings and working on trying to come up with a color guide I can use to make notes on where and when things get worse.  It means keeping an eye on things like my period because hormones are a bitch.

It also meant realizing that I wasn’t eating like I should.  There were some days I wasn’t eating anything. Even now after adding to each day a check mark for eating at least twice, I still have the bad habit of not eating withing a couple hours of getting up.  I’m on a third shift schedule and “morning” for me is anywhere from 1pm to 3pm depending on how fast I manage to get to sleep.  Some days… I don’t eat until way after sundown.  Yeah, the math that just popped into your head on how many hours that is, is a few times a week.

I don’t like noticing patterns like this as it means it’s something that’s been going on for awhile. Thirty days isn’t a pattern.  Sixty and ninety days can be indicators. It’s when you hit more than a hundred days that you’ve either broken a bad habit or noticed a bad pattern that needs closely monitoring.

Part of what makes the eating meals a bit easier these days is making enough as though DR was going to be home and then putting it into the fridge for him for later. Hilariously enough I am a slightly social eater but the dogs don’t count.

Back to the color guide, there are a lot of creative people out there who have come up with tracking methods and the like. I haven’t found one from anyone that’s really clicked yet for me. So I’ve been working coming up with one of my own that is more based on what color pen I use to write that day than coloring in a box.  It’s sort of working… though considering we have a move coming inside of six months… the journal is gonna be messy again after I did a crapp ton of work figuring out what might work in helping me keep on top of things.

Then we have the internal stuff that bogs me down that I have no idea what the right word for it is. A few days ago even, I had been horribly stalled out almost all month on the projects I need to finish. I turned on my computer game and boom, three things caught up to a point that they should have been at two weeks. I need to pull some more games into my day.  I know that doesn’t make sense, but having games like Wizard 101 which have parts where you are just clicking around with your mouse give me a chance to game and play puzzles while creating.

 

Why do I do this to myself?

Why do I spend hours looking at and reading hundreds of topics, knowing I will never use 90% of any of that knowledge?  Why do I indulge my curiosity so much? Because I don’t like feeling dead. I have plenty of people I know that are dead like that.

Take today for instance. I’ve been researching cabin blueprints.  Now, I know I’ll most likely never get to live in a cabin again until we’re in a situation with enough land to sustain having two houses and I build my own cabin.  (Yeap, already been reading through the dozens of techniques of doing such building, the tools needed etc.)

I went through the rabbit hole of solar and wind energy and that will continue to stay a rabbit hole I go through frequently as I plan on using a combination of energy sources for the future homestead.

But I’m afraid I’m stuck in OMG CABINS! mode. Some of the most elegant things I’ve been seeing in a home have been recent cabin designs by enthusiasts of the more rustic feel.  I already know how the outside is going to look, with it’s wrap around covered porch. Been trying to decide which parts I’d also like to screen in. There is going to a rail garden of herbs and flowers.

Yeah, I’m just dreaming right now.  Loft beds in the attic and a roof area for star gazing.  Let’s not get into the main bathroom as that is going to be insanely decadent. A standing shower separate from a bath tub big enough to lay down in and not have my knees above the water.  The chimney from the fireplace in between the bath tub and shower so as to heat the bathroom and keep it comfy.

Let’s not get into the other things that are on my list of “Little things that would be nice.”

Shared Laundry Room Etiquette

Number 1 rule – Don’t let your clothing over stay its welcome.  Ten minutes is okay but that’s the bloody max.  Washers take less time and when there’s double the number of dryers you’ve nothing to wait on.  Dryer times… okay seriously, how the hell could anyone be okay with pulling cold dry laundry out?

Number 2 – Pour the bleach you are using into it’s cup OVER THE OPEN WASHER not over the fucking lid of the neighboring machine. Seriously do you know how many times other peoples clothing will be touching that lid you just dripped or spilled on?

Number 3 – Collect. Your. Fucking. Lint. Seriously.  I don’t need to find how how many blunts you smoke in a weed…or how many condoms you went through…or how you got fired from your job because you’re a lazy fuck.

Number 4 – Clean out your pockets AT HOME. It’s not funny, it’s not witty and all you’re doing is being gross.

Number 5 – Always run a hand along the bottom of the washer so ask to be sure you’ve grabbed everything.  Including your security pass, security ID and the 50 tip someone gave you two weeks ago that you forgot had a blunt rolled up into as well. (Good luck whoever decided that was worth taking by the way.)

Number 6 – Repeat number 5 for the dryer.  Stick your hand in it and double check. Yes I know it’s warm but you’ve a better chance burning yourself on the buttons on your jeans than on the inside of the dryer.  I’ve ended up with two pairs of socks that weren’t ours, two black lacy panties, one bra that DEFINITELY was not my size and nine random socks that even though I’ve left out on the folding shelf haven’t yet been claimed.

Number 7 –  If you smoke so damn much that the laundry room reeks of you, your laundry reeks, it makes the washer machine reek AND the dryers… you are fucking disgusting and have no room to bitch when told so.  Because that shit comes off on my clothes.  Seriously even the office person who smokes gagged when she walked into the room.

Number 8 – if there is an open dryer, it is perfectly o fucking k to throw laundry from a washer if the ten minute mark has passed.  You don’t have to start it, but you’ll make the point.

This has been a public service announcement.

Never Forget

The Liberty Zone

As you all know, I’m not particularly religious. OK, I’m pretty much an atheist. Not that I would reject the notion of a deity if actual scientific proof was presented, but I don’t do faith.

My parents are a bit different. They were never allowed to practice their religion in the USSR, so when they came to the United States, my dad, especially, absorbed all the faith. He wrote about it a while back in a Russian essay. I don’t remember where it was published – probably some Russian publication in Philly – but it was beautifully written. It was a heartfelt description of a journey from someone not allowed to worship anything but the all-powerful state to someone who genuinely took his God into his heart.

Me? It never took. I did go to synagogue as a kid (read: my parents dragged me there). I was bored out of…

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Raising the Power

According To Hoyt

I am not pagan, though I have friends that are, and though there was a strain of belief in the village which, without having anything even vaguely to do with American/New Age/Paganism, was not… precisely Christian. Or anything much else.  Call it “using natural forces that science hasn’t yet identified” and be done with it.  It exists in every rural community.  Communities close to the land that have no room for frills spend an unusual amount of time on manipulating these “forces.”  Perhaps they are forces of the collective subconscious as things like “the Secret” claim.

At any rate, this is not to talk of religion, even unusual ones.

It is to talk of raising the power.  Raising the power (Yes, I’ve watched pagan ceremonies.  I watch a lot of things) is a fascinating concept, and it’s probably all headology, but one does feel something while watching it.

Again, I’m…

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Fisking attempt.

/RANT
All comments were made while I was watching this. They will not make sense otherwise.
 
1) They both are worthless pieces of shit. Your point?
 
2) Bush Jr’s National Guard service was a scandal…..WHY???!!! Was it because he _volunteered_ for it unlike let himself be put into basically fucking slavery via the draft? Yes… I can see how horrifying that could be for MANY of you…
 
3) Okay… is it just me… Or did he just make a Positive remark towards the Eisenhower….
 
4) Um what part of ” Very obvious pieces of a person’s character” do you not grasp about how a scandal is present about a person??
 
5) “Not being as bad as Donald Trump”
Well no shit that’s a low bar to clear. It’s so Gods damn low the fucking Blue Angels won’t even include said stunt in their routines.
 
6) Um… even those who are Conservation know better than to blame Hillary for Waco. That was her Husband, Bill, that was the president at that point in time… Or did you have a concussion and forget that…….
 
7) Benghazi…. You know there’s a reason a LOT of people won’t let this drop… and it’s because SHE IS A GODS DAMN WORTHLESS DUMB BITCH who ABANDONED that consulate. Go ahead and TRY to trot the source about Bush Jr and those embassy and consulate attacks and I will remind Bush SENT MOTHER FUCKING HELP YOU DAMN IDIOT. Clinton did the unforgivable. She left them to die. LEFT THEM TO DIE. Fuck you if you think that’s okay. Seriously.
 
8) “Failed to find sufficient evidence…” what is that, code talk for we bought off the right people and threatened to kill the families of the right people so she wouldn’t get prosecuted? And just what exactly has prosecution of a politician ever yielded? Go on, go find it… I’ll wait. (BTW You won’t find anything.)
 
9) The Emails: Look… she claimed she didn’t send any classified emails… even LIBERAL SOURCES confirmed she sent well over 130 emails that had classified information and she was too LAZY to keep them classified. Blech. And ya’ll wonder why I wouldn’t trust that fucking harpy….
 
10) Yeah. No Shit.
 
11) It’s called a purse dumbass.
 
12) Hey John, I love you only mention _mostly_ conservatives in order to give the illusion of balance. Actually… most of the offenders are idiot dems or neoliberals. Nice try Dumbass.
 
13) Holy fuck are you that dumb? YOU ADMITTED ON LIVE NATIONAL TELEVISION THAT YOUR PERSONAL SERVER WAS THE *SAME* ONE AS WHAT BILL CLINTON USED AFTER HE GOT OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE?!?!?!??! Bitch…. do you even understand the concept of keeping your mouth shut about stuff that involves your family at least? What the Gods Damn FUQ?!
 
14) Kars…4… Kids…. Wow that’s a fresh level of hell….
 
15) Clinton foundation IS a conflict of interest. Gods…. Um… that’s like me buying stock on a sheep farm and stating it only to make sure I get the best yarn but I then start posting pictures about my future christmas/yule dinner….
 
16)  All right John… do you give Trump the same courtesy…. let’s see shall we…

17)  13% percent…. really only?  Yeah, you’re lying fuckstick.
18) ….REALLY WE ONLY KNOW ALMOST NOTHING ABOUT TRUMPS FINANCIAL RECORDS??? I HATE TO TELL YOU THIS BUT THOSE RECORDS ARE SUBJECT TO THE FREEDOM OF INFORMATION ACT.  Dumb cum dumpster.

19) OMG HE SAID HE WOULD GIVE THE COMPANY TO HIS KIDS TO RUN WHILE HE WAS PRESIDENT….
How is this any WORSE than Chelsea Clinton running the Clinton Foundation?????????????

Oh and we are too stupid to catch his very on the nose joke…… *head desk*
20) Um… sorry but it sounds like you are the one who doesn’t understand a blind trust.  If THE Trump is not running and not making decisions but it’s still HIS money… Um… HeLLOOOOOO?!  Gods you people are making me consider my reduce my drinking edict…..
21) “12 lbs of foundation he wears of his face.”
BHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HEGHEHGHEGHEHEHEHG!!  hEEEEEHEHEHEHEHE!!!
Good one. Seriously.  He spends more time on TV than Clinton EVER will…..
22) Only just now facing questioning about his charity spending??? Oye, ya’ll are behind…. seriously behind….
23)  HEY HEY HEY!! Leave the Owls out this fucker.
24)  You are surprised by this?  He paid for a portrait with foundation money?  All right… what has Clinton paid for with her money… oh wait I forgot… You’re too scared to ask that.  Bleh…
25) Tebow is only bad because you saw him praying on the field you mental midget… Defend his right to pray like you defend Muslims… OH WAIT…….
26) EVERYBODY USES UNDOCUMENTED WORKERS.
Does that mean they are right too? No.
Does that mean they are exempted if they are the “right political party”? No.  Nice try.
27)  Bags of cocaine would have been easier to get rid of given the fact it’s been a fucking democrat in office for the past eight ish years and the fed groups are suffering from the lack of numbness…..
28) There is an equal number of scandals you stupid fuckstick.  Gods damn why do you think Johnson is trending?  He doesn’t have any scandals.  He gives honest answers and he actually is the only one with experience in keeping a government in check…

Too bad for the rest of you…. when it goes to hell if one of them is elected… those of us who pointed at Gary Johnson are going to point again and remind you “Told you so.”

I’m Evelyn StormRose, signing off on my first attempted rage fisk.  Sorry, I’m a newb at fisks.

Never underestimate the little things.

How little?

Something as insignificant as washing your face when you first get up.

Say wha Evie?”

I’m sure everyone’s noticed it’s been stupid quiet minus the occasional re-share of another blog article.  Well, I’m sure you remember me talking about having found something called bullet journeling.   Well, I’ve been working my way through improving my own take it on it and something happened.

I noticed I wasn’t taking care of myself as well I could be.  This is a symptom of depression and PTSD, that I had forgotten could be a warning sign of incoming bouts with that brick wall punching bag.  How bad was it?  I was showering like…every eight or so days.  I wasn’t doing a lot outside therefore wasn’t sweating a lot.  But…it just wasn’t important.  Everyone can attest to how much better one feels after a shower.  It’s a small way to induce endorphin’s into your system and really help lift your mood.

Things like brushing your hair and teeth. Keeping your nails clean (which is crucial) when you’re working with yarn and fabrics.  I found myself keeping an eye on my daily activities more because of the new system and I started noticing patterns, which is something this system allows you to keep track of.  A week  is easy to look over and see how ‘on the ball’ you are in taking of yourself.

Thankfully, while my depression bouts are waaaay more minor than years past, I’m starting to notice that weeks were I didn’t stay on top of my self care, the next week suffered in terms of productivity in taking care of projects and the apartment.  So I have a very specific section now: Vitamins, brushing my hair and teeth, Showering, Exercise.

It’s helping but I’m still working on staying on top of it.  It take about two ish weeks it seems to pull fully out of slumps right now.  My goal is to get that reduced to just a week over the next year.  I realize that may seem like a paltry goal to some folks, but that’s a realistic one for me and when/if I manage to do better, it’ll just be a sweeter victory.

Also as you can imagine, because of the fact I’m noticing these patterns of depression and working on lessening the slumps, it affects my writing. Even the silly posts like this get affected.  However, small steps will continue to be made and will continue to work.  I’ll keep you posted as best I can.

On dying

I have a woman crush on Nicki.

The Liberty Zone

I’ve been thinking about dying lately. No, I’m not terminally ill or anything, but still… with reports about California’s assisted suicide law having gone in to effect, my mind has gone into overdrive.

A few days ago, the Daily Mail ran this story about a woman who, at 41, became one of the first Californians to take advantage of the state’s new doctor-assisted suicide law. I’m not sure if “take advantage” is the correct term for this. As someone who loves life, it’s hard for me to imagine making the choice that Betsy Davis did.

In early July, Betsy Davis emailed her closest friends and relatives to invite them to a two-day party, telling them: ‘These circumstances are unlike any party you have attended before, requiring emotional stamina, centeredness and openness.’

And just one rule: No crying in front of her.

The 41-year-old artist with ALS, or Lou Gehrig’s disease, held…

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Creative Process

As folks may have noticed, I’m still working getting it back.  It went “Ka-BLOWY!” on me about a year ago and it’s been an up hill climb though along the way there’s been some new things learned, new hobbies, new techniques to reign in my ADD aka over the place tendency and new information on old things that are in the category of “GODS DAMNIT!”.

So what’s helping me get back into my groove?

Games.

My normal Saturday night game is good just keeping in contact with folks more normal than me (ya’ll really are at times).  I’ve been playing a mobile game called Summoner’s War for almost two years now, but there was something missing.  Between picking up Pokemon Go (Team Instinct!  Seriously… me on a red team or the blue team… ugh guys, you don’t even know me *sobs*)

Angry Birds (Oh yeah.  You know it.)  Final Fantasy Record Keeper (YEHEHEHEHEH!!!) Star Wars Uprising.   The game to round everything out was Wizard 101.  I can play all of these games and be crocheting or knitting while playing them.  Yeah, you read that right.  And since the mojo is back in crocheting, the writing is very very slowly following.  Like trying to grab the ground screaming and crying, following.  Oye.

Gaming helps but in way I don’t quite fully get.  I know it’s giving my brain exercise in creative ways.

“Well what happens when you get bored with them or run out of content?”

Eh guess I’ll find a new game or take one of the myriad of free classes online.  Staying on top of my creative process and giving such things plenty to chew is damn important.  A lesson I know well, but that keeps getting new bits and pieces of information added to it.

 

 

Jade Rose Zen ThreadWorks

Jade Rose Zen ThreadWorks!
 
The goal is to have the Etsy shop out of vacation mode and back up and running by August 1st. I’ll be accepting orders again through there, and there alone.  
 
HOWEVER, there’s going to be a waiting list policy from now on. Three active ongoing at any one time. First come, first served basis.
I have been trying to see if there’s better sites than Etsy, but Etsy still comes out ahead in terms of just better fees all around.
I accept Paypal and debit/credit card over on Etsy.
No, I can’t see your information.  No, I can’t charge you anything that wasn’t a part of the listings that you might purchase.  Yes, I can refund your money…but only if you return the item.  Complaints will be met with a “No refund without the item(s) in question being returned.”   You aren’t going to be keeping my work for free.
The next few weeks I’m going to be getting a lot of photography work done (I hope) and getting listings and the like ready. Along with finishing a few more items of stock. Once we’re back up and running be sure to check the page I have here at the blog for updates.